You Are Not Alone (Please Read)

I’m not here to lecture anyone. I’m not here to pretend I have any fucking idea what its like to have mental issues, to have a disability, and I’m not going to pretend that I can fix it. I’ve been incredibly lucky, I’m reasonably smart, I tend to get on well with people, I have a stable home relationship.

However, there are so many people who can’t say this, people with battles going on everyday with peers, with family, or even with themselves. But because its on the inside, people don’t acknowledge it. If you’re depressed, people will tell you to cheer up, if you suffer from anxiety, people will tell you to just go out and make friends. They don’t understand what its like to have your own being fight you everyday, telling you you aren’t good enough, telling you nobody likes you, true or not. They don’t know what its like to just wake up and want to go back to sleep forever, for no other reason than your own mind telling you you’re worthless.¬†They don’t know what its like to not be able to think how everyone else thinks. They don’t know what its like to feel like you are at war every day just to keep yourself going.

And I don’t know either.

I have no fucking clue what that’s like, and frankly it scares me, that people can have no control over these things sometimes, that they can feel worthless no matter how much you tell them they aren’t. That they feel alone even when you’re all there.

But you aren’t alone. At least, you don’t need to be. As I said, I’m not here to tell you how you feel, I’m not going to promise I can fix you, I can’t even promise I’ll be able to understand what it could be like. But what I can do is be there for you. I can be there to listen if you need it. I can’t heal you, but I can show you that you don’t need to face it alone. No matter what time it is, what the problem is, contact me. Whether you tweet me, e-mail me, anything, you contact me, and you spill your heart out.

I stand by, I can’t promise you I’ll understand what its like for you. But I will no judge, I will not mock, and most of all, I will listen to you. And sometimes that’s all it takes.

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Things Have Been Hectic

So, as you can probably get from the Title, things have been rather busy for me recently. If you didn’t get that, you might as well give up reading just now to be honest, maybe just get a job throwing rocks at delinquents. Or licking cacti.

Now that they’re all gone, I’ve really not had a seconds peace the last two weeks. If I haven’t been buying presents I’ve been seeing my girlfriend, or seeing my Dad, or going out with friends, or studying for exams, or streaming when possible, or trying not to run out of money, or spending any small free time I have trying to 100% Binding of Isaac: Rebirth. I know half of that seems rather relaxing, but believe me, it most certainly is not.

For example, I had fun streaming games. I still do have fun streaming games, its great. But just the other day, this happened, and by god, that changed a lot. Within 1 minute of that tweet going out, I’d gained 15 twitter followers, 150 viewers, and 60 twitch followers. I all of a sudden had over 100 people watching me talk shite about a game at 1am. And I was loving it.

Believe it or not, the number actually lasted high for a while. It dropped below 50 after 2 hours of streaming, and ended on a solid 20, with the final count being an extra 64 twitch followers. I couldn’t believe what just happened. And not only was it amazing, but also terrifying. I now have 213 followers on twitch, and I barely get the chance to stream. I’ve been making an effort to stream more recently, but the problem is it came around Christmas time, and my dad was back, so naturally I’ve actually had less time than I would normally find myself with during a regular week.

So because of all this, I’m pushing myself to try to take any time I can to stream, as I don’t want all these people to forget me. For the love of god, I had 2 1M+ YouTubers watching, one actually lasting for 2 hours (Link here). I feel so lucky to maybe actually have a chance to take off on Twitch here, yet I also feel like I don’t have a chance in hell, because I cannot for the life of me find the time to bloody stream. This is becoming a serious dilemma for me, and I’m really unsure of what I should do at this stage. Obviously I will continue to stream, but what if everyone forgets about me in that time? Just some thoughts. I really want to capitalise on this opportunity Dan from Nerd¬≥ gave me with this, but I don’t know if I’m too late or not.

Another thing is the fact that today was the first time I’d been on my PC since last Wednesday, LAST WEDNESDAY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. I had Christmas obviously, then my girlfriend stayed through boxing day, we then went to her grans the 27th, and I stayed until this morning, well, technically yesterday morning now (morning of the 29th I’ll say). So this has put extra stress on the whole twitch thing. I’ve tried to stay on twitter as much as I can and keep people engaged with me, but there’s only so much you can do.

I’m also not sure what to do about uploading to YouTube again. I have a plan of action, a Vlog every second day, as an update thing, and a daily scheduled gaming video. But the problem is, I’m so busy with Twitch and everything else I cannot find any time to fit this in. I don’t want to just simply upload Twitch Highlights, as I want it to take on a life of its own, but I also don’t want to stop streaming, or even cancel seeing my friends to make time for everything.

Ultimately, I really see an opportunity here to really grow myself on the internet, and make myself known in the community, but I don’t know how to go about it, or if I’m just wasting my time. I will continue to do streaming as it is something I enjoy, but I don’t know how to pick up YouTube, and whether or not to try to make the extra time and effort to give to it, when I don’t know if it will give back or not. I feel like the only thing I can do is try.

The Importance of Music

Music is something that most people listen to in some form, no matter the genre, or if its just simple humming, music is a language everyone can speak. It can be used to communicate feelings, to get closure, or to just let you express your emotions in an easier form. Regardless, music can bring tears from a repressed memory, or it can bring happiness to anyone, it is something we all understand, and something that is vitally important in your growth as a person.

Music at the current time can probably be split into a thousand different genres, but whether you like Death Metal, Country, or Classical, the fact remains that you listen to it because you enjoy it. I happen to listen to all three genres mentioned, as well as many more, and while there are some types of music I do not enjoy, its easy to appreciate that some people may find enjoyment from it. This is because in the end, its not about a specific genre of music that evokes specific types of emotions. Yes this can happen, but most of the time, it’s not the type of music, but just the fact that it is music, that can make people happy.

I believe this is for the same reason that people enjoy films and games. Escapism. You can just sit back, and stick on a playlist, and pretend that the world isn’t there, and that everything is perfect. No matter what issues you may have in your life, when you put in those earphones, lie back and close your eyes, the whole world ceases to exists, at least for a while. Its perfect for stress relief, no matter what kind of stress you are having, as suddenly, at least for a few minutes, that is gone, and you can relax. That is possibly the best feeling in the world. Sure, you will have to return to it afterwards, but just to have that break can be the difference in how you approach a situation. The calmness and clarity you get from having the alone time can really change your perspective on a situation.

It is for this reason that I always listen to music before going in for exams. I feel relaxed, and I can listen to it and recite the things I need to remember over and over, without it stressing me out. I have actively found that I remember things better while listening to music, as I am not feeling the same levels of stress, and so I am actually able to concentrate much easier, and I know of other people who have found this too. Music has this power over us, that just causes us to relax, and really can make us work much more efficiently. Think about it, when people go out for big events, they listen to music, before exams, before anything big, there’s music, and that relaxes us.

I think it could also possibly have something to do with our roots. From the earliest cavemen, art was a way of communicating, be it through the earliest cave drawings, to music. Take it from the natives in areas secluded from the world such as the Amazon, they still live as tribal villagers, no technology, just the most basic knowledge of fire, iron, hunting etc. With all this, and no technological advances, they still have music and drawings. It is something that appeals to our basic human nature, and it is something that has always made us happy.

This is why I believe that music is important to the growth of a person. In whatever form, it gives us relaxation, a reduction in stress, and not only that, but it is basic human instinct to sing and dance and draw. These things made up early communication, and to this day it is still something that makes us happy, in all its forms. Music may divide us in the modern world with preferred genre, bands/artists, or songs, but ultimately, it is all the same. Music has always been made to bring emotion into communication, and even to this day, it can bring people to tears, or elevate them to the highest they’ve ever been. Music is a wonderful thing, and its co-evolution with humanity is something that has shaped our society, and something you can always turn to in the bleakest of times, and the best of times.