Here’s something I just found randomly lying around on my PC that I wrote 4 years ago, yet I cannot remember why. I hope you enjoy.
It should be a difficult time; it should be an emotional time. Should is the key word. It is a very complex word, as it is a contradicting word, saying you should do something, is like getting a command that isn’t necessarily required. I should have been upset, when my Mum and Dad announced their divorce, but for some reason, I wasn’t. I don’t know why, I should have been upset. Yet something was preventing me from feeling that way, and it continues to, so I suppose that’s what I’m aiming to find out.
I’m not sure where to begin if I am honest. I suppose a good starting place would be to explain my situation, but you already know most of it from the introduction itself. To make a long story short, roughly 4 years ago, my parents announced they were getting divorced, for reasons undisclosed. However, as I found out about a year later, my Dad actually was with another woman, and there’s another story behind that, which needs to be explained. My Dad always worked away, he is an Electrical Engineer, contracted, so he has been to a variety of places in the world, but the most prominent was Kazakhstan, which is where he currently resides. I know, life like everyone else’s, eh? While there, he met a Russian woman named Natalya, but we know her as Natasha. He was with her for a year before my parents got divorced, and my Dad and Natasha are now married. He still comes home and visits as he has a rota of 6 weeks working, 2 weeks holiday, but he visits usually every 3 months or so, for about a week. And that brings us to this situation I am in currently, so now that you know my recent history, I can get to the real point of this essay.
My life is pretty good. I am doing five Highers, and heading for A’s at that, I have almost everything I could ask for, I have great friends, and really nothing is wrong. Maybe that’s the problem, I have only experienced two deaths, one being a dog when I was 8, and that is the last time I remember crying, I am now 16. 8 years without shedding a single tear. But I have had nothing to cry about. So I think these factors have made me seem almost immune to the disease that is sadness, and I am unable to be infected. It’s a valid point, but at the same time it is a ridiculous idea. How can someone become immune to an emotion, surely they are built in to your brain. Although, its not like I feel no emotion, I do still feel sadness, and happiness, so maybe its a choice as to what emotions I can feel. Can you choose to feel certain emotions?
Or maybe because I am a naturally positive person. I have always been one of those people to look at the glass half full, so to speak. I don’t see why you should look at the negative side of life, you only have one, make the most of it. Also, I don’t believe that there are stereotypes, rather that everyone is an individual, and that looks can be deceiving, or as it is more commonly known, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” If I had been like this, and just ignored someone based on how they looked, dressed etc, I would have nowhere near as many friends as I do. I have met a variety of people in my time, and some aren’t always like the people they are friends with. I think this concept keeps me open, positive, unafraid of meeting new people or trying new things. My life is by no means easy, I’m not saying it is easy, but what I am saying is I try to enjoy it, and not let my worries get the best of me. A life coach once came to our Boys’ Brigade, and there’s one thing that he said that stuck with me, “life is only what you make it to be, and you only get one, so make it the best you possibly can.” Sometimes this can seem wrong, due to exams, domestic situations, and other things that make you feel like they are just thrown at you, and you have no control, but there is always a way around any problems, and this is why I am always so positive.
I have several friends who have parents that have been divorced, and I know that they did not handle it as well as me for a fact, actually, none of them did, so why is it me? My friends aren’t exactly much worse off than me, so there must be another reason surely? Maybe it will always remain a mystery, I suppose I did say earlier that I believe everyone is unique, I just assumed that there would be some constants, but then, not everyone is born with 2 eyes, or 4 limbs, so maybe there really is no limit to the idea of being unique. The Flight of the Bumblebees, probably one of the most famous, and difficult pieces of piano music ever written, can be performed perfectly by a blind man, there are people with disabilities that have done great things, so maybe I shouldn’t think of my inability to cry as a curse, or something that separates me from the crowd. No, I should think of it as just another characteristic that makes me the person that I am. After all, as that wise man said, “life is only what you make it to be, and you only get one, so make it the best you possibly can.”